I Miss Her.

I always miss my mom around this time of year. Not only is it the 'holiday season', but December marks 16 years since she died. Today as my husband and I were driving, we were listening to Dr. Laura (as usual) and a woman with terminal cancer called in asking advice for how to tell her children she was dying. My husband looked at me and asked if I was alright since woman's story hit pretty close to home. I told him yes, and then he asked me to never die, because he doesn't know what he would do without me. I then told him that I often wonder how that must've felt for my dad - his wife of 16 years, dying and leaving him and three daughters behind. How does one live knowing their spouse will die? This of course made me cry out of sadness for my dad and out of admiration for his strength during it all.

I often tell my husband about my mother, the things I can remember in my nine years of knowing her. Mostly I tell him of her laugh, how contagious it was. How down to earth she was and that she would've liked him a lot. It makes me sad that he never got to meet her, that my future children will never know her, that she had to die so young, that my grandparents had to bury their daughter, and that I never got to know her as more than just 'mommy'. Sometimes I struggle to remember things about her, it seems so long ago and like yesterday at the same time.

As I was crying telling my husband things about my mother that he has heard before, but I tell him again because it's all I remember, he told me he doesn't like to see me upset. I told him some were tears of sadness, but others were tears of happiness remembering the greatest woman I have ever known. My mother was not perfect, but to a nine year old, your parents can do no wrong. My mother died being my world & perfect in my young eyes.

I miss you, Mom.