Monday, November 30, 2009

Holiday Weight.

In 2006, I lost 30 pounds, but gained back 20 of them. In 2007, I was determined to lose those 20 pounds, and then some - and I did, about 75 pounds. After that weight loss, I gained about 5 pounds back and I try to stay around that weight. I used to be a compulsive weigh-er, stepping on my scale every morning. It was torture, since my digital scale shows ounces as well as pounds and weight fluctuates. Anyway, I didn't have my scale from June until we got our stuff 2 weeks ago - and I hadn't stepped on my scale. Not that I was scared to, but I'd gone 5 months without it and judging my weight strictly on how I felt. Meaning when I ate bad, I felt heavier and when I ate good, I felt better. I do a loose version of Weight Watchers - the program I used to lose all the weight. Basically I'll go a week of splurging a few times, and then 2 weeks strictly on Weight Watchers. I am trying to maintain, not lose anymore weight (as of right now).

But today I decided to weigh myself. I heard on the radio this morning that people tend to weigh themselves less during the holidays, for fear of what the scale might say, I guess. So I decided to not be afraid of the scale (even though Thanksgiving was just a few days ago). So I pulled out the scale and weighed myself. I gained 1 pound since the last time I weighed myself, which had to have been in May or June. But I was really proud of myself. I used to rely on that thing to validate my good feelings about myself - but now I know I don't need a scale to tell me how I'm doing. I can do it on my own! As a former fat girl, keeping the weight off for more than a year, this is a huge accomplishment.

I plan to not weigh myself for a while, because I don't need to. Not anymore.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's the Simple Things

I had the best weekend - and we didn't do much of anything at all! On Thursday, the hubby and I went over to Tyler & Alexis' house for dinner, and Tyler's mother came into town from San Diego to join us. We had a traditional dinner and of course desert. Then us girls watched The Taking of Pelham 123 while the boys headed to the theater to see Ninja Assassin. I was very happy that they went together so that I wouldn't have to go see it later, haha. Not my kind of movie. Afterwards, we came home and had a low key weekend. I watched hockey on both Friday and Saturday (and the hubby even watched with me on Saturday). The hubby also made us ommlettes on Saturday for breakfast. He can't very many things, but ommlettes he does amazingly at!

On Saturday night, after the hockey game, the hubby made the mistake of turning on GSN - The Game Show Network. I wasn't aware we had this channel and I happen to love it! So last night we watched a few shows on there and for some reason, it was really enjoyable.

He kept asking me what I wanted to do all weekend, and I would tell him I truly just wanted to be at home with him. I definitely did not want to face the Black Friday crowds and I'm perfectly content to sit at home, next to him. So even though we didn't do much of anything, I had a fanatastic weekend.

Hope everyone else had a great one too!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm Thankful.

This year I have a lot to be thankful for.
My Husband

My husband is probably one of the greatest people I've ever met in my life. He is incredibly giving and kind, not only to me, but to everyone. I'm thankful for all the hard work he does to provide for us, which allows me to go to school. I'm thankful for his eight years of sacrifice in the military, to include three deployments, to ensure the safety of Americans. Most of all, I'm thankful for his love and companionship. He is truly my best friend, lover, and life partner.

My Family

My dad, my two sisters, my step mothers, and my three nephews are an amazing part of my life. My sisters are truly my best friends and my father is one of my heroes. My step-mother and I had a difficult relationship when her and my father married when I was 12, but we have come a long way and I love her. My family is very close, my husband often tells me he wishes his family were as close as mine is. I wish we all lived closer, but it is not a possibility and we make the best of it.

My Best Friends

I really don't know how I would survive without these three ladies in my life. Rachelle (bottom picture) and I met when I was 18 and she was 19. I had just arrived to my unit at Fort Bragg, NC and didn't know anyone. Rachelle showed up at my door one day and invited me to hang out. We were inseparable after that. We went to Iraq together and she is one of the reasons I made it through. Ashley and I (left picture) met when I was 21 and she was 19 - through MySpace of all places. I had been living in TN for almost a year and my husband had been in Iraq for the majority of it. I felt very alone and had few friends, but Ashley and I had a great connection and a lot in common and we became besties very quickly. We endured two deployments (as wives) together and spent many a nights together, laughing, crying, and supporting one another. The friendship between Kelsey and I (right picture) was completely unexpected. We met in January 2006 in a biology class. We sat at the same lab table and when I made a stupid error with a gradulated cylinder, she made fun of me - not even knowing me. After a few more labs together, we were school friends, until she invited me to a hockey game. I had never been a hockey fan, but that first game, I fell in love with it, and so our bond grew the more classes we took together and the more hockey games we attended. All three of thesee ladies hold a special place in my heart and I love them dearly.

There are many more things I am thankful for - comfy P.J.'s, reality t.v., video games, my cats, and the list could go on. But I believe there is nothing more important in this life than family, friends, and love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I Miss Her.

I always miss my mom around this time of year. Not only is it the 'holiday season', but December marks 16 years since she died. Today as my husband and I were driving, we were listening to Dr. Laura (as usual) and a woman with terminal cancer called in asking advice for how to tell her children she was dying. My husband looked at me and asked if I was alright since woman's story hit pretty close to home. I told him yes, and then he asked me to never die, because he doesn't know what he would do without me. I then told him that I often wonder how that must've felt for my dad - his wife of 16 years, dying and leaving him and three daughters behind. How does one live knowing their spouse will die? This of course made me cry out of sadness for my dad and out of admiration for his strength during it all.

I often tell my husband about my mother, the things I can remember in my nine years of knowing her. Mostly I tell him of her laugh, how contagious it was. How down to earth she was and that she would've liked him a lot. It makes me sad that he never got to meet her, that my future children will never know her, that she had to die so young, that my grandparents had to bury their daughter, and that I never got to know her as more than just 'mommy'. Sometimes I struggle to remember things about her, it seems so long ago and like yesterday at the same time.

As I was crying telling my husband things about my mother that he has heard before, but I tell him again because it's all I remember, he told me he doesn't like to see me upset. I told him some were tears of sadness, but others were tears of happiness remembering the greatest woman I have ever known. My mother was not perfect, but to a nine year old, your parents can do no wrong. My mother died being my world & perfect in my young eyes.

I miss you, Mom.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Oh Yeah, I Live Here Now.

My husband and I only have one vehicle, which is my car I bought before we got married after I totaled my other car. Anyway, it doesn't really bother me that we only have one vehicle, as my husband HATES driving! You may find it odd - I did for a long time, but the fact of the matter is he's never really drove (with the exception of military vehicles) since he grew up in NYC where people prefer the subway to cars. He actually didn't even get his license until he was 21! He did have his own car, but we ended up selling it because it had so many problems. So anyway, I take my husband to work every morning & pick him up in the afternoon. The other day I was pulled out of my driveway to pick him up from work and started heading down to the stop sign on the corner of our street. A woman in a mini-van across the street & a few houses down [i.e. kiddy-corner] decides to start pulling out of her driveway and into the street as I'm driving past her house. I literally had to drive on the other side of the street because I thought she was going to hit me - she didn't even stop at all. So me being me, I flash her a dirty smirk and carried on my way.

As I thought about this later in the day it crossed my mind that I live here now, as in for an extended period of time. As in I may see this woman many times over the next few years and perhaps I shouldn't be giving her dirty looks, no matter how right I think I am and how wrong I think she is. So I am going to attempt to not be such a snot to people who don't know me, I don't want to be known in the neighborhood as that bitchy lady :]